It's not over yet...

I plan to keep this blog alive so please check back often. I will be posting cancer related information that I think might be helpful. Thanks.

If I could go back and change things I would....

Yes, there are things I would have changed about how we dealt with Dozer's cancer. I have regrets...hindsight is a hard thing to deal with sometimes. I could scream at myself for not being more pro-active. I know better. I tell people all the time that you can't just rely on doctors. You have to research the illness yourself. Don't just wholeheartedly believe everything a doctor tells you. I did that initially. I researched canine cancer, hemangiosarcoma and the treatment options. That's how I found the Neoplasene and decided to take that course rather than amputation and chemotherapy. But then I just let Dozer's fate lie with the doctors. I did seek a second opinion from my vet who referred us to another holistic vet for a second opinion, but I should have done more. I should have asked for follow up x-rays and ultrasounds. I was told again and again that the cancer was aggressive, but localized and that it wouldn't spread and I just focused on his leg. Actually, I was researching prosthetics that very week as I had decided on amputation after all. I didn't think he would do well on three legs, but I did think a prosthetic limb would work quite well for him. Honestly, I think he would have looked cute. He was such a beautiful boy. Anyway, I don't know if the cancer spread or if it was there and the initially scans missed it or if it was something new, but I do know that had I repeated the scan on regular intervals we would have caught it sooner and may still have him with us today. So, my advice...Be pro-active with these diseases! Research again and again. And give your dog a big squeeze and tell him/her how much you love them! I would give anything to wrap my arms around Dozer right now...

I lost one of the greatest loves of my life today.

This is so hard to write as Dozer lost his battle with Hemangiosarcoma today. I love him and miss him more than words can describe. My life will not be same without him. He was an amazing dog. Actually the most incredible dog I've ever known. He was special. He gave us so much and helped to change the views of so many regarding what a Pit Bull is really like. He left his mark on so many and will forever be in our hearts.

I would have done anything to keep him in my life, but it was clear that my poor little man was just too sick. Radiographs showed that he had a mass on/in his spleen that has ruptured. He was bleeding internally. He was vomiting and screamed in pain when trying to have a bowel movement. His stool was bloody. He couldn't walk, could barely lift his head and had a vacant look in his eyes. For the first time in his life he refused food. Although he did manage to give me one last kiss that I will cherish forever.

Our vet refused to perform surgery to remove his spleen as she didn't think he would survive the procedure. If he had she didn't think he would make it to have his stitches removed. We didn't know what to do; bring him home or euthanize him. We asked him what he wanted and just when we were about to take him home with us he began vomiting and throwing himself backwards. It was clear what we had to do. And it was the most difficult and heart wrenching decision I've ever made. I would have done anything to save him and keep him with me, but sadly I was out of options.

Attached is my new favorite picture of Dozer. That photo shoot for the Pinups for Pitbulls calendar was one of my fondest memories and thinking of how he tried to eat the props brings a smile to my face. Thank you Pinups for Pitbulls for allowing Dozer and myself the opportunity to be part of your organization and family. I love you all!

Dozer, Mommy loves you and will miss you always! You are and always will be my best dog! Rescuing you was one of the best moments of my life. And I cherish having shared the last 7 years with you. I lost a piece of my heart today when I said goodbye to you. I've never felt such heartache, sorrow and emptiness. Goodbye my sweet Dozer (aka PoePoe, Chewy & Doughboy)! I love you! xoxo <3<3<3>

Bad news...

Well, there's a mass on his spleen and his spleen is bleeding. The prognosis is bad, obviously. About a 1 month or two for a dog that isn't already battling cancer. For Dozer, much less. The vet said he could do surgery to remove the spleen, but he could die during sugery. We're going to wait and bring him home and call our vet in a couple hours when they open. I really don't know what to do...

I just want to see him and hug him and tell him how much I love him.

I'm scared to death right now.

I woke up this morning around 2:30 to find Dozer laying on the floor. Not normal. I reached down to pet him and his feet and face were cold. He was also breathing heavy, but slow. I woke up my husband and we checked his color. He was pale. I tried to offer him a cookie, but he wasn't interested. Dozer has never refused food in all the years he's been with us. He was also lethargic. We got him to get up to take a drink, but afterwards he collapsed on the floor next to the bowl and wouldn't get back up. My husband is with him now at the Emergency Clinic. They are doing bloodwork, x-rays and starting an IV. The vet is thinking the cancer may have spread to his spleen. I'm heartbroken right now. I want to be there with him, but we didn't want to make the kids get up and go out in the cold. I hate this. I'm so scared that he's not going to be with us much longer and I don't want to imagine life without him. I can't...

Please Dozer, get better. I love you, so much! You are and always will be the best dog I've ever known.