This is so hard to write as Dozer lost his battle with Hemangiosarcoma today. I love him and miss him more than words can describe. My life will not be same without him. He was an amazing dog. Actually the most incredible dog I've ever known. He was special. He gave us so much and helped to change the views of so many regarding what a Pit Bull is really like. He left his mark on so many and will forever be in our hearts.
I would have done anything to keep him in my life, but it was clear that my poor little man was just too sick. Radiographs showed that he had a mass on/in his spleen that has ruptured. He was bleeding internally. He was vomiting and screamed in pain when trying to have a bowel movement. His stool was bloody. He couldn't walk, could barely lift his head and had a vacant look in his eyes. For the first time in his life he refused food. Although he did manage to give me one last kiss that I will cherish forever.
Our vet refused to perform surgery to remove his spleen as she didn't think he would survive the procedure. If he had she didn't think he would make it to have his stitches removed. We didn't know what to do; bring him home or euthanize him. We asked him what he wanted and just when we were about to take him home with us he began vomiting and throwing himself backwards. It was clear what we had to do. And it was the most difficult and heart wrenching decision I've ever made. I would have done anything to save him and keep him with me, but sadly I was out of options.
Attached is my new favorite picture of Dozer. That photo shoot for the Pinups for Pitbulls calendar was one of my fondest memories and thinking of how he tried to eat the props brings a smile to my face. Thank you Pinups for Pitbulls for allowing Dozer and myself the opportunity to be part of your organization and family. I love you all!
Dozer, Mommy loves you and will miss you always! You are and always will be my best dog! Rescuing you was one of the best moments of my life. And I cherish having shared the last 7 years with you. I lost a piece of my heart today when I said goodbye to you. I've never felt such heartache, sorrow and emptiness. Goodbye my sweet Dozer (aka PoePoe, Chewy & Doughboy)! I love you! xoxo <3<3<3>
9 comments:
I hate this part. With all of the love and joy they bring us, why does the end have to feel like a shot in the gut? Please know that you will soon be able to remember him without the pain of loss, but just the arm and fuzzies of the good times.
Doron and Katie.
Thanks Doron and Katie. It helps so much to be surrounded by all of my fellow bully lovers right now.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I too lost my better half yesterday. 19 days after discovering a bleeding mass on her spleen. I too was told not to do the surgery. I spent the 19 days I had with her trying to make her comfortable and happy. She had good days and bad. She was, before all of this, a happy, healthy 10 1/2 year old pit bull that turned many people's opinions of pit bulls around. As we both worked with animals for a great many years, she inspired many to adopt a pit bull after seeing my progress with her; my rescue.
She too was amazing and pretty much all I had in this world.
I asked her to do me one last favor, and let death take her naturally without me needing to make a decision. She fought this cancer hard but Friday night I knew what I had to do. Saturday she collapsed and so we headed for the vets.
We pulled up to the vets, she perked up and looked around and I had that horrible feeling of dread come over me.
However, before she got out of the car at the vet parking lot, she got down on the floor of the car and died in my arms. My crazy crazy pit bull gave me my last wish.
I'm not sure how to move forward when everything my life was about is gone. But she put up an amazing fight so I plan on doing the same.
I thank you for this blog as it was a part of my infamous 19 days of cancer with my Indiana. I think one thing to do to occupy my unwanted free time will be to do volunteer work for shelters - mainly pit bulls.
I am so sorry for your loss. But I thank you for giving a pit bull an amazing life and love during his time here.
-ingrid
Hi. I am so sorry for your loss. He looked like a really great guy and it is obvious how much you loved him. It is a terrible thing, this 'hemangiosarcoma'. I remember the first time I heard the word--I never thought I would know so much about it. I lost my 'girl' on December 30th and I am the most heartbroken that I have ever been, ever. Today is 3 weeks and I still can barely talk about it. They are the most exceptional of beings. I got 13 and half years with Cowgirl but it was not enough...
Ingrid,
I'm so, so sorry for your loss of Indiana. She sounds like she was very much like my sweet guy. A perfect example of what a pit bull is really like...a big sweatheart! I apologize for not responding to your comment sooner, but everytime I would read your comment I would be overcome with emotions. So many similarities. But I thank you for sharing it with me. In a way I needed to read it.
Cowgirl,
I am so, so sorry to you too for your loss of your Cowgirl. I feel the same way, time passes but still it hurts just as much. When I started this blog I had the hopes of it being an inspirational story of how we beat hemangiosarcoma.
We all know how terrible and awful this disease is. I'm sorry that any of us had to hear that word.
I'm very sorry to the both of you for your losses. And I thank you for your support and kind words. Such beautiful souls taken from us too soon...It's truly unfair.
Jen,
I am so very, very sorry. I had not checked your site for a few weeks. We could not stop crying as we read your posts. I can't imagine what you went/are going through. Our best thoughts are with you right now.
Denice and Addie
Thanks Denise. It's been very difficult...
I'm glad to see that Addie is doing so well.
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